Long Time No Post

In the busyness of life, I keep forgetting that I have a blog. I look back at the last time I posted an update and it was almost a year ago. I had just turned 30 and was loving life. Now, just under a year later, life has just kept on moving at an unbelievable pace. Last August seems like forever ago, and yet yesterday.

So here are some highlights from the past year:
1.
Charles and I bought our first home. After 10 moves in 8 years, we have finally settled (at least for the time-being) in Rochester. Our cute little storybook colonial is just outside the city limits, on a beautiful tree-lined, dead-end street. We have a nice little porch, back yard, and amazing neighbors. After years and years of apartment-living, it's so nice to have a place of our own. One of the best parts of the house is that the previous residents had a green thumb, so all throughout the spring and summer we have had beautiful flowers blooming. Since we moved in in November, we didn't get to see the flowers and every new bloom is exciting! I have also successfully grown my own basil, cilantro and have a few little green tomatoes starting to form! Ah yes, life is good.
 

2.
Since we now have a place of our own, we decided to move on to step 3 of our 4-step plan for kids. We went and got ourselves a puppy. He is the cutest little Jack-a-bee (Beagle and Jack Russell mix) that you have ever seen. He has the energy and enthusiasm of a Jack Russell with the coloring and stubbornness (and annoying bark/whine/howl) of a Beagle. He is a bundle of energy and fun. He loves food (and will eat anything, including grass), loves to fetch, loves the shower (and frequently tries to join us), and from the look of the yard, has a deep animosity for Hostas. Even when he's being rambunctious and annoying we still find ourselves looking at him and saying "but he's soooooo cuuuuuute!" He has certainly added a new element of fun and responsibility to our previously care-free lives,  but he is worth it.

3.
I posted a year ago about starting my dream job. This past year has been a whirlwind of long hours, travel, meeting new people and building new relationships. After the first year I can honestly say that I absolutely love love love my job and don't feel like I've worked a single day in the past year. I can now successfully navigate my way around Chicago and Boston (I don't even mind the driving for the most part), I got to spend some time with family in Minneapolis, went to South Beach in Miami, and stayed in Times Square in NYC (just a few of my many excursions). I loved working with the Dean of Humanities and the Music, Theater and English faculty. They are a fun, intelligent and passionate group of people. I work some really great colleagues and had a boss who was also a fantastic mentor for me in my first year of this new career. Due to some changes in personnel at the college, my job was changing slightly. And in a huge vote of confidence, our VP approached me and asked if I would consider working for the Hajim School of Engineering. I ended up accepting the position. This is going to be a big learning curve (I know way less about engineering than I do about music) but will provide me with more volunteer coordination opportunities, west coast travel (say hello to San Fransisco!), and the opportunity to work with a Dean who is a rising star at the university. I am sad to leave the humanities, and am nervous but beyond excited for this new opportunity. And the best part - I don't even have to move my desk! :)

Views from the "office"

4.
The most recent highlight is the vacation that Charles and I took earlier this month. Two full weeks of quality time away. Our adventures took us to Lewisburg, PA, Reidsville, NC (to see the in-laws), Hickory, NC, a week in the exquisite mountains in Dahlonega, GA with 12 friends (and 2.5 kids) from grad school, a week on St. Simons Island, GA with more friends, Greenville, SC with yet MORE friends, and Pittsburgh, PA. We biked, we hiked, we ran, we swam, we floated down the river in inner tubes, we played games, we ate, we drank, we enjoyed 13 days of sunshine, we laughed (and laughed and laughed until we cried), we had meaningful discussions and silly ones. We put over 2600 miles on the rental car. We spent more than 44 hours on the road. I got to see my adorably pregnant sister-in-law. It was just the best vacation. We came home with full hearts (and stomachs). We are so blessed with the friends we have made over the course of our lives and this trip was a microcosm of all those friendships.
5. One thing I have always been glad of is that I've never had a car payment. In 30 years. Overall, we have been pretty fortunate and have found decent cars for cheap. The downside with driving older cars is that they tend to need regular work done on them. Well, a year and a half ago Charles and I made (in hindsight) a very bad decision and bought a Saab. We paid more than I wanted but it looked to be in great shape. And it was fun to drive. Well pretty much from the moment we bought it we have done nothing but dump money into it... fix one thing just in time for something else to go. And you may not know this, but Saabs are NOT cheap cars to fix. And it was draining our bank account, and causing a ton of anxiety and stress. So last week when lights started flashing and dinging and it basically was like riding in a death mobile, we threw in the towel. A year and a half of ownership and thousands of dollars spent in repairs is not a worthwhile investment but we had had enough. And after that experience we didn't want to just buy another 10 year old car and heaven knows we couldn't buy a newer one outright. So we did some research and decided to bite the bullet. We found a great leasing option at a monthly payment (although having any payment at all still makes me cringe) that we could work into the budget, with a great buy-out opportunity 3 years down the road. So now I'm driving a 2014 Honda Civic!! The best part - I no longer have the crappiest car in the parking lot at work. Also, no more stress about having my car spontaneously combust. Oh yeah - and free oil changes for life. Wahoo!

Unexpected Loss

I lost my grandma last night. My dad's mom. I got a text from my mom during my presentation in class saying to give her a call when I got a chance. Having an inkling that it might be important but having no idea what, I called her on my 10 minute break. That was the last news I  expected to hear.

I often joke that I have two emotions - happiness and rage. I find in situations like this, with loss, and most especially with unexpected loss, my brain just doesn't know how to process the feelings. I don't feel sad, I just feel... nothing. It's like a void where I know feelings should be. Perhaps it's because I didn't get the chance to say goodbye. I didn't see it coming. It doesn't seem real yet. MY life continues on, but it continues with a nagging feeling that something is different and missing, but that the reality of that something hasn't triggered yet.

I did have an incredible craving last night for a big bowl of Count Chocula. Growing up, she always kept a stash of chocolate cereal. She knew my mom didn't buy us sugary cereal so when I'd go over I'd say "Grandma, I'm starving! My parents don't feed me! Can I have a bowl of chocolate cereal?" (I was always well fed and was often just coming from a meal. I was just such a little stinker.) She was on to my game but would always laugh and say "What?? Your parents don't feed you? You poor thing. Come and have a bowl of cereal."

Years later (and even the last time I saw her) we would joke about that. She'd laugh and laugh and say "You were always so hungry!" Grandma was never one to be verbally affectionate but it was one of the ways you knew she loved you. One of the many, many ways.

Reading through my extended family's Facebook posts this morning, I am reminded by how much Grandma meant to all of us, and the different experiences we each had with her. For Papa and all his siblings, I can't even imagine how hard this must be. Both parents are gone now and both unexpected. It's hard to lose a grandparent but I cannot even begin to fathom what it is like to lose a parent. I hope I don't have to experience that for a long, long, long, long, long, long (you get the picture) time. And I have so many cousins, and second cousins, all who knew and loved Grandma and are experiencing loss today and an influx of memories.

Here's what I remember about Grandma:
She had a great laugh and it came easily. She was one of the most stubborn, crazy and hardworking women I've ever met (I see a lot of myself in her). I remember when she bought that big old funeral home and then poured years of herself into fixing it up. We all thought she'd lost it, but she proved us all wrong. Grandma was tough. Nothing ever seemed to phase her. She would give you the clothes off her back. She made the best scalloped potatoes in the world. She was supportive. She could come across as gruff, but you always knew there was a soft interior. It meant the world to her when you came to visit - whether you were coming from just down the street or from a different state. Grandkids were always welcome (which was good because she had a lot of them!) and the door was always unlocked. I remember times where all the cousins would be packed in like sardines in sleeping bags on the living room floor. She was musical but preferred to showcase others instead of herself. She was incredibly loyal to the things she thought were right. She loved her family.

Today I'm reminded that this life is precious. I can't go through life feeling guilty that I didn't call more or visit more. Grandma knew she was loved - I'm sure of it. But it's a great reminder, as my life continues on, to make time in my life for the people I love... to take a break from the craziness to make a call, or visit, or forgive, and tell the people in my life that I love them. Because I love deeply. And life is short. And you never know when it's going to end. But it's an incredible joy to know that unending life lies beyond. And Grandma is there - celebrating, partying, laughing, and waiting.

Being 30

There is always that fear when you enter a new decade that life is going to start to decline at any moment. When I was 25 (which seemed like the perfect age) and 30 started to loom on the horizon I remember thinking "I better do as much as I can now because the end is near." (Dramatic, I know.)

Well I turned 30 at the end of June and so far I have jumped out of an airplane, started my dream job, began house hunting with the love of my life (albeit the rising interest rates are a little stressful), proved to myself that I actually have the ability to run long distances, gone on an amazing vacation, laughed a lot, spent time with family and friends, made some new friends, played a lot of tennis, read a ton of good books, discovered a killer new cocktail, had the best birthday party ever, and am just plain loving life. 30 Rocks!!!

I can only say that the first two months have really set a precedent for what I hope the next decade will look like. I hope it looks like finishing school (both Charles and I), actually purchasing a house and settling somewhere, having some kids and a dog (and maybe - just maybe - a garden), and travel (fortunately my job makes the last part easy!). But most importantly I hope it looks like faith and hope and love, because my last decade really lacked those things.

Who knows what the future brings, but I definitely believe that the best is yet to come!

Learning to Trust

This past few months have brought many changes and adventures and the next few months will bring many more. Six months ago I was starting to adjust comfortably in my new role of Sr. Asst. Director here in the Financial Aid office. I was adjusting to being the systems guru in the office, a supervisor, having new programmatic responsibilities, etc. Six months ago Charles worked at Apple and we were living pretty cozy on a steady and decent 1 and a half incomes, which is more than we've ever had before. We were almost finished re-painting our apartment after tearing off walls and walls of crappy wall-paper. We were renewing our vows. Things were looking pretty steady.

But if you know us, we never stay the same for long. Just a couple months ago Charles stopped working at Apple for the experience of being a major contributor (freelance) for a theological dictionary. It's an incredible opportunity and allows him to work from home (which he loves), or come with me to the UR and work at the library (which I love), and gives him the free time to cook dinners and take that responsibility off my plate (which I really, really love). It was a hard choice to make, though, because I had gotten comfortable. And moving back into an unknown, and then trying to cover expenses that he had been covering really stresses me out. Sometimes I have to look at Charles and see the change in him - the excitement in doing what he's doing and the lack of anxiety - to really trust that this was the right decision.

But I keep being reminded to "trust in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." And I'm seeing this promise come to fruition over and over in my life. It's playing out in our marriage. It's playing out in our finances. It's playing out in the fact that I just was offered my dream job. After falling into Financial Aid six years ago, I have stuck with it because I love students and I love Higher Education and because I'm good at it. But the last few years I have been wondering if there is a position that utilizes my strengths and personality traits more so than Financial Aid. And the more I looked into it and talked to friends, the more I became interested in Advancement.

At the same time that I took my position here at the University of Rochester, I was also in the final rounds of interviewing for an Advancement position at Houghton College. Due to timing issues and the fact that I really felt like I needed to work for a bigger institution and broaden my horizons, I pulled out of the Advancement job. That was a really really hard thing to do. But here at the UR I have had the opportunity to take classes on development, and get to know people in the development office here. And then one day the perfect job posted - a gift officer position that works specifically with the humanities. A job I think I would love AND an area that I am knowledgeable in (music, theater, literature, etc.) So I decided to just go for it.

And miracle of miracles (and due to a very gracious recommendation by my current boss), I got the job! It's been over a week now since they have offered it to me and I still can hardly believe it. I think it's a position in which I will flourish. I know it will be challenging, but I'm totally ready to take on those challenges. It's scary to change careers because this one is comfortable and I know I can do it. But I can't wait to try this new one. 

This job will be full of travels (my cities are Boston, Cleveland and Chicago), meeting new people, helping donors find their niche at the University and doing my best to make the world (and the U of R) ever better!  I start in less than three weeks now. I'm already booked for trainings and conferences and finding out some of the perks to the new position.

My 30th birthday is less than a month a way and I am so excited for the next decade. I'm starting out the decade with a real adventure - skydiving. It's something I've always wanted to do and there has never been a better time than now! And looking forward to the next phase of my life, I have an amazing husband by my side and, God-willing, in the next decade (early on, hopefully) he will finish his PhD and be done with school forever. I am starting my 30s in my dream job and will, hopefully, finish my Master's degree and continue to work my way up the ladder toward my ultimate career goals.Maybe in my 30s we'll even grow up enough to buy a house and have a baby (or 2).

I've also been making great progress toward my fitness goal to be in the best shape of my life by 30. I don't run far, or fast but I am proud to say that I run 12-15 miles a week. I have made eating healthy and exercise a part of my lifestyle (with the occasional day where I can't live without a donut or two) and I can see the improvements. I even ran a race last week with 12,000 other people in Rochester and it was SO MUCH FUN!

So to sum it all up, I'd say that life is pretty stinkin' good right now!

Life Update

Life has been moving along lately. It's April, which means work is crazy busy. As busy as it is, it's totally different from last April because my program responsibilities are totally different and are spread out more consistently during the year (and heavy in December and January) rather than being crazy in the spring. I also have a smaller caseload.
Life, in general, has gotten a bit busier with grad work, regular workouts at the gym, writing a mass (which I'm loving!) and trying to still make time for the love of my life. On the bright side, my husband is now doing all his work from home and has taken over cooking dinner so that frees up at least an hour in my busy evenings.

Lent was a really meaningful season for me this year. Last year at this time my life was a mess and Easter was kind of the day we decided to make a real change. And things have made a 180 degree change and this Easter it was so great to look back and see all the work that God had done in our lives over the last year. This Lenten season was also about practicing discipline. I think I've made some real improvements in that area, and will continue to work on it.

I think the biggest change recently is the fact that Charles no longer works at Apple.... and miraculously I'm okay with that. Anyone who knows me knows that I really stress out about money. So when Charles proposed that he quit his job at Apple to stay at home and write articles for an online theological dictionary - for a fraction of the pay - I had to really really struggle. But we talked about it (in one of the most effective communications we've ever had) and I put my new conflict management skills to work and we decided that, even though it will make money tight, it would be a way better decision for his future career as an educator and it would be something he loves (and he would agree to cook dinner every week night). So I guess you could say that along with learning discipline, I'm also learning how to trust.

And who knows what that kind of freedom will lead to! :)

So I want to tell you about this Lenten mass that I'm composing, just because I'm really excited about it. I want it to be historical and interesting and accessible, so I'm combining choral with congregational singing, and using mostly English but also throwing in some Greek and Latin and mixing modern chord progressions with some old school Gregorian chant and all kinds of other interesting stuff! It's the most inspired I've been in over a year!

Reflections on Life and Death

Last Wednesday I received some shocking news - one of my best friends from high school passed away unexpectedly. I spent the remainder of the week remembering Adam's life and the times we spent together, talking to my high school classmates about our memories of Adam, and grieving with his wife, now a widow at 29, and his family. I was blown away by how many people Adam touched in his short life. He loved God and he loved people and both of those were evident in all that he did.

Death hits us in strange ways. I'm not afraid of death, and because I believe that Adam is with Jesus, and that someday I will be with Jesus, death does not bring a feeling of hopelessness. It does, however, bring great sadness. It also brings a new awareness of life. When someone dies young, and/or unexpectedly, you start to realize how precious every moment of your life is. I found myself thinking "I can't let Charles leave without saying goodbye - because what if this is the last time I see him?" or "This isn't worth fighting about - we should just be grateful that have life and each other" or "What can I do today to make a greater impact on the world I live in?" Seeing how many people Adam reached, and seeing all the things he was passionate about and put his time and effort into, it made me think about my life. Death always makes us think about our lives. I thought about my life a lot when Granda died. But this was a little different - because Adam was young and had a shorter amount of time to make his impact. But he did.

I am so grateful for his life and his friendship and I will always cherish the memories I had of him.
- Spewing strawberry milk all over the dashboard of his car and then spending weeks trying to get out the sour milk smell.
- Singing the Gaither Vocal band at the top of our lungs. (He loved the music, I just loved to sing.)
- Being in drama club together. (Chick and Fats)
- Trips to Tom Wahls, Georges and the movies.
- Going to the Jr/Sr banquet together our Junior year, and then him going with me to my talent competition and playing putt putt golf afterward in my parents living room and getting "tipsy" on sparking grape juice.

With the beginning of Lent today, my reflections are also on life and death: the death of Jesus, my own struggle with being dead to sin, seeing the consequences of sin and the stain it leaves on our lives. Lent is a time of repentance, fasting and preparation for the coming of Easter. However, I've learned that you can't think about death without thinking about life: a life free of sin, the resurrection of Jesus, our own upcoming resurrection and eternal life.


I spent two hours in Starbucks on Sunday, talking to the parent of a University of Rochester student. We talked about UR, higher education in general, life, parenting, and eventually came around to religion. This parent was studying mysticism and had very interesting views on self, right and wrong, etc. The more he talked about mysticism, the more grateful I became that I am a Christian - and I don't mean that with any maliciousness to what he was saying. I respect him and his belief system. But everything he said was centered on Self. I can't imagine the pressure of everything being Me. Because I KNOW that I am going to screw up. I've done it in the past and I'm sure I'll make mistakes in the future. But what I understand that this parent did not is grace. And that is the difference between true and eternal death and life.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound the saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now am found, was blind but now I see.

When we've been there ten thousand years bright shining as the sun
We've no less days to sing God's praise then we first begun

Books Books Books!

I have been on a reading kick lately. My spring classes start next Thursday (yikes!) and I want to get in as much reading as I can before it's time to crack open the textbooks. I've read a lot of good books in the past couple months including the following:

Age of Miracles (very interesting and a quick read)
Tale of Two Cities (for the 100th time)
Kisses from Katie (very inspirational)
Bossy Pants (very funny)
Life of Pi (now I have to see the movie)
The Devil in the White City (non-fiction, parts of it read like a history book but I liked it!)
Cloud Atlas (heard it's better than the movie)
Fahrenheit 451 (which I read in its entirety yesterday)

Next on my list are:
Ella Minnow Pea (waiting for it to come into the library)
The Red Leather Diary (I know nothing about it)
The Stand (I hear it's a modern day classic)
The Giver (which I read in college and loved and I want to read again)
The Pact (on NY Times Best Seller list)

I'm also looking for other suggestions! I love all kinds of literature - memoirs, sci-fi, some fantasy, action, classics, etc.

What have you read lately that you loved?