December is quite the month. There is the Christmas craziness (which I try to avoid as much as possible) and holiday parties and then throw our wedding anniversary on top of that and you get a really hectic month. In the past, I have tended to be a little bit of a Grinch at Christmas. If you know me, you know that I really don't like spending money. And the Christmas season usually costs quite a bit of money. You have presents, and travel, and anniversary dinners and/or getaways, and work parties and gift exchanges and by the time Christmas rolls around I'm usually just grumpy and stressed. On top of that, I'm not really a gift person. I'm pretty content with the amount of stuff that I have (although I always would like more shoes), and I hate clutter and I'm not one to keep things around for sentimental value. Because I don't care too much about getting gifts, I'm also not very good at buying gifts. I'm usually looking for the cheap, easy thing that's on someone's list that doesn't take a lot of thought and that I don't have to face the masses in order to get. This sounds really awful, I know. But it's the truth.
Please understand that I LOVE Christmas. I love getting a tree and decorating it, and hanging up lights around the house. I love listening to Christmas music from Dec 1 through Dec 25th (but not a moment before). I love that Charles and I get each other ornaments each year. I love spending Christmas Eve with my family and the big Christmas brunch that we have. I love going around and opening our presents one at a time. I love the food and the family and the love. I couldn't care less about the "stuff."
This year, however, things are different. I have caught the Christmas bug. Maybe it's because I spend more time at the mall now that Charles works there. Maybe it's because this is the happiest I've ever been at Christmastime in the last 7 years. Maybe it's because I've discovered the joy of being thoughtful in my gift buying and that it's FUN to think of things people would like without just buying off a list. Maybe it's because, with Charles working, money isn't so tight. Maybe it's because we aren't in boxes this year (last year we moved the week before Christmas, on our anniversary, and that totally killed the spirit). Maybe it's because we got our tree December 1 so it felt like Christmas earlier and we weren't as rushed. It's hard to really know. But I do know that I am just loving this season!!
Another reason I'm loving this month is because Charles and I are renewing our vows this year on our anniversary. Without going into any detail, I'm just going to say that the last 7 years have been HARD. Marriage was not what I was expecting, nor was I prepared for the number of challenges we have faced. There have been a lot of mistakes and hurts on both of our parts. But in the last six months or so we have renewed our commitment to each other, for better or worse, and we have never been happier. Marriage is finally starting to be what I hoped and dreamed it would be. In Charles I have a companion, a friend, a lover, and someone that I LOVE to go home to every night. So when Charles told me that he invited some of our friends over to our beautifully decorated house and that we were going to renew our vows, I was overwhelmed and overjoyed. There will never be a better time to take this step than now. I didn't cry the first time we got married, but I know that I'm most likely going to be a blubbery mess this time around because I KNOW what those words mean. I KNOW what the "worse" part of "for better or worse" looks like. I KNOW the work that is involved, and the sacrifices and the compromises that need to be made, and the unconditional love, grace and forgiveness that needs to be constant in order for our marriage to be what it was intended to be.
And because I now know this, it means so much more. And it means more to hear those promises from Charles (again) when he has loved me even when I was completely unloveable. And I'm so excited to share this with a small group of our dearest friends - some of whom are aware of all of our gory details, some who know bits and pieces, and some who are just faithful friends who constantly encouraged us, prayed for us and loved us. We would not be where we are today without these people in our lives.
So yeah... I am completely overflowing with love and joy this season. No more Grinch for me. :)
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