Life has been moving along lately. It's April, which means work is crazy busy. As busy as it is, it's totally different from last April because my program responsibilities are totally different and are spread out more consistently during the year (and heavy in December and January) rather than being crazy in the spring. I also have a smaller caseload.
Life, in general, has gotten a bit busier with grad work, regular workouts at the gym, writing a mass (which I'm loving!) and trying to still make time for the love of my life. On the bright side, my husband is now doing all his work from home and has taken over cooking dinner so that frees up at least an hour in my busy evenings.
Lent was a really meaningful season for me this year. Last year at this time my life was a mess and Easter was kind of the day we decided to make a real change. And things have made a 180 degree change and this Easter it was so great to look back and see all the work that God had done in our lives over the last year. This Lenten season was also about practicing discipline. I think I've made some real improvements in that area, and will continue to work on it.
I think the biggest change recently is the fact that Charles no longer works at Apple.... and miraculously I'm okay with that. Anyone who knows me knows that I really stress out about money. So when Charles proposed that he quit his job at Apple to stay at home and write articles for an online theological dictionary - for a fraction of the pay - I had to really really struggle. But we talked about it (in one of the most effective communications we've ever had) and I put my new conflict management skills to work and we decided that, even though it will make money tight, it would be a way better decision for his future career as an educator and it would be something he loves (and he would agree to cook dinner every week night). So I guess you could say that along with learning discipline, I'm also learning how to trust.
And who knows what that kind of freedom will lead to! :)
So I want to tell you about this Lenten mass that I'm composing, just because I'm really excited about it. I want it to be historical and interesting and accessible, so I'm combining choral with congregational singing, and using mostly English but also throwing in some Greek and Latin and mixing modern chord progressions with some old school Gregorian chant and all kinds of other interesting stuff! It's the most inspired I've been in over a year!
Friday, April 5, 2013
Monday, February 18, 2013
Reflections on Life and Death
Last Wednesday I received some shocking news - one of my best friends from high school passed away unexpectedly. I spent the remainder of the week remembering Adam's life and the times we spent together, talking to my high school classmates about our memories of Adam, and grieving with his wife, now a widow at 29, and his family. I was blown away by how many people Adam touched in his short life. He loved God and he loved people and both of those were evident in all that he did.
Death hits us in strange ways. I'm not afraid of death, and because I believe that Adam is with Jesus, and that someday I will be with Jesus, death does not bring a feeling of hopelessness. It does, however, bring great sadness. It also brings a new awareness of life. When someone dies young, and/or unexpectedly, you start to realize how precious every moment of your life is. I found myself thinking "I can't let Charles leave without saying goodbye - because what if this is the last time I see him?" or "This isn't worth fighting about - we should just be grateful that have life and each other" or "What can I do today to make a greater impact on the world I live in?" Seeing how many people Adam reached, and seeing all the things he was passionate about and put his time and effort into, it made me think about my life. Death always makes us think about our lives. I thought about my life a lot when Granda died. But this was a little different - because Adam was young and had a shorter amount of time to make his impact. But he did.
I am so grateful for his life and his friendship and I will always cherish the memories I had of him.
- Spewing strawberry milk all over the dashboard of his car and then spending weeks trying to get out the sour milk smell.
- Singing the Gaither Vocal band at the top of our lungs. (He loved the music, I just loved to sing.)
- Being in drama club together. (Chick and Fats)
- Trips to Tom Wahls, Georges and the movies.
- Going to the Jr/Sr banquet together our Junior year, and then him going with me to my talent competition and playing putt putt golf afterward in my parents living room and getting "tipsy" on sparking grape juice.
With the beginning of Lent today, my reflections are also on life and death: the death of Jesus, my own struggle with being dead to sin, seeing the consequences of sin and the stain it leaves on our lives. Lent is a time of repentance, fasting and preparation for the coming of Easter. However, I've learned that you can't think about death without thinking about life: a life free of sin, the resurrection of Jesus, our own upcoming resurrection and eternal life.
I spent two hours in Starbucks on Sunday, talking to the parent of a University of Rochester student. We talked about UR, higher education in general, life, parenting, and eventually came around to religion. This parent was studying mysticism and had very interesting views on self, right and wrong, etc. The more he talked about mysticism, the more grateful I became that I am a Christian - and I don't mean that with any maliciousness to what he was saying. I respect him and his belief system. But everything he said was centered on Self. I can't imagine the pressure of everything being Me. Because I KNOW that I am going to screw up. I've done it in the past and I'm sure I'll make mistakes in the future. But what I understand that this parent did not is grace. And that is the difference between true and eternal death and life.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound the saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now am found, was blind but now I see.
When we've been there ten thousand years bright shining as the sun
We've no less days to sing God's praise then we first begun
Death hits us in strange ways. I'm not afraid of death, and because I believe that Adam is with Jesus, and that someday I will be with Jesus, death does not bring a feeling of hopelessness. It does, however, bring great sadness. It also brings a new awareness of life. When someone dies young, and/or unexpectedly, you start to realize how precious every moment of your life is. I found myself thinking "I can't let Charles leave without saying goodbye - because what if this is the last time I see him?" or "This isn't worth fighting about - we should just be grateful that have life and each other" or "What can I do today to make a greater impact on the world I live in?" Seeing how many people Adam reached, and seeing all the things he was passionate about and put his time and effort into, it made me think about my life. Death always makes us think about our lives. I thought about my life a lot when Granda died. But this was a little different - because Adam was young and had a shorter amount of time to make his impact. But he did.
I am so grateful for his life and his friendship and I will always cherish the memories I had of him.
- Spewing strawberry milk all over the dashboard of his car and then spending weeks trying to get out the sour milk smell.
- Singing the Gaither Vocal band at the top of our lungs. (He loved the music, I just loved to sing.)
- Being in drama club together. (Chick and Fats)
- Trips to Tom Wahls, Georges and the movies.
- Going to the Jr/Sr banquet together our Junior year, and then him going with me to my talent competition and playing putt putt golf afterward in my parents living room and getting "tipsy" on sparking grape juice.
With the beginning of Lent today, my reflections are also on life and death: the death of Jesus, my own struggle with being dead to sin, seeing the consequences of sin and the stain it leaves on our lives. Lent is a time of repentance, fasting and preparation for the coming of Easter. However, I've learned that you can't think about death without thinking about life: a life free of sin, the resurrection of Jesus, our own upcoming resurrection and eternal life.
I spent two hours in Starbucks on Sunday, talking to the parent of a University of Rochester student. We talked about UR, higher education in general, life, parenting, and eventually came around to religion. This parent was studying mysticism and had very interesting views on self, right and wrong, etc. The more he talked about mysticism, the more grateful I became that I am a Christian - and I don't mean that with any maliciousness to what he was saying. I respect him and his belief system. But everything he said was centered on Self. I can't imagine the pressure of everything being Me. Because I KNOW that I am going to screw up. I've done it in the past and I'm sure I'll make mistakes in the future. But what I understand that this parent did not is grace. And that is the difference between true and eternal death and life.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound the saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now am found, was blind but now I see.
When we've been there ten thousand years bright shining as the sun
We've no less days to sing God's praise then we first begun
Monday, January 7, 2013
Books Books Books!
I have been on a reading kick lately. My spring classes start next Thursday (yikes!) and I want to get in as much reading as I can before it's time to crack open the textbooks. I've read a lot of good books in the past couple months including the following:
Age of Miracles (very interesting and a quick read)
Tale of Two Cities (for the 100th time)
Kisses from Katie (very inspirational)
Bossy Pants (very funny)
Life of Pi (now I have to see the movie)
The Devil in the White City (non-fiction, parts of it read like a history book but I liked it!)
Cloud Atlas (heard it's better than the movie)
Fahrenheit 451 (which I read in its entirety yesterday)
Next on my list are:
Ella Minnow Pea (waiting for it to come into the library)
The Red Leather Diary (I know nothing about it)
The Stand (I hear it's a modern day classic)
The Giver (which I read in college and loved and I want to read again)
The Pact (on NY Times Best Seller list)
I'm also looking for other suggestions! I love all kinds of literature - memoirs, sci-fi, some fantasy, action, classics, etc.
What have you read lately that you loved?
Age of Miracles (very interesting and a quick read)
Tale of Two Cities (for the 100th time)
Kisses from Katie (very inspirational)
Bossy Pants (very funny)
Life of Pi (now I have to see the movie)
The Devil in the White City (non-fiction, parts of it read like a history book but I liked it!)
Cloud Atlas (heard it's better than the movie)
Fahrenheit 451 (which I read in its entirety yesterday)
Next on my list are:
Ella Minnow Pea (waiting for it to come into the library)
The Red Leather Diary (I know nothing about it)
The Stand (I hear it's a modern day classic)
The Giver (which I read in college and loved and I want to read again)
The Pact (on NY Times Best Seller list)
I'm also looking for other suggestions! I love all kinds of literature - memoirs, sci-fi, some fantasy, action, classics, etc.
What have you read lately that you loved?
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Welcome to 2013
I am so unbelievably excited for 2013! 2012 ended spectacularly, but it sure had a lot of ups and downs to get to that point. But I'm starting this year on the right foot. I am so so so happy, my marriage has never been in a better place, I am loving my job, our apartment is finally completely redecorated (as far as we are going to do with it), we have such wonderful friends, and we have finally moved to step 3 of our 4 step plan.
Let me explain. Charles and I have been married for 7 years now. We like to stay up late, sleep in, go out to dinner on a whim, go on vacations, etc. With that kind of lifestyle it's hard to have any kind of responsibility at home. When we first got married we talked about the possibility of kids someday and decided we needed a 4 step plan. Step 1) plant. If we could keep a plant alive for at least 6 months (a challenge for us both, to be sure), then we could graduate to step 2) fish. We made it that far and took care of a beta fish named Simeon for nearly three years. Since their average lifespan is 1 year, we decided we nailed step 2. So when Simeon died we decided to move onto step 3) animal. I was hoping for a dog, since I love dogs but that's just not feasible right now with where we live and such. So we went with a cat. (I've never been a big fan, but Charles loves them.) That being said, we are in a trial run of adopting my parents cat. To be honest, this cat is a little more like a dog. He loves to be pet, loves to snuggle, comes when you call him, etc. But he doesn't have to go outside to be walked, can use a litter box, and generally is a little less maintenance than a dog. So pending how this experiment goes, at some point in the future we may graduate to step 4) children.
The thought of having kid is exciting (a miracle in itself) and scary as hell. I went to my first baby shower in AGES last weekend for my college roommate and learned very quickly that I know NOTHING about babies. I am 29 and I have never even changed a diaper. I don't hold babies very often and I thought the baby bath was for soaking swollen preggo feet. I will have a lot to learn, that is for sure. But 30 is looming and I have decided that it's time to grow up and settle down! :)
As for the new year, I am not a huge fan of New Years resolutions but I do have a few goals.
Being that I have been blessed with a fast metabolism, I have been able to eat whatever I want for my whole life up until this point. My dad always warned me it wouldn't last forever. As 30 approaches (this is a big deal for me, as you can see), I want to start the year in the best shape possible. So after a holiday of crazy binge eating, it's back to healthy choices and portion control for me. And most importantly, exercise. I'm skinny enough, but I definitely need to tone a few areas. I hate to run and I live in a blasted cold state and I hate the cold, and I hate spending money on gym memberships, so exercise has always been a challenge for me. But challenge or not, by my 30th bday, I am going to be in excellent shape.
Another goal is to read more. I love to read. But with long hours at work, school work, a leadership class this fall, and responsibilities at home, it's harder to do. And I just need to set aside a reasonable amount of time to do it. Usually when I read a book, that's all I do for the 2 days it takes me to finish it. I need to learn to balance.
My third goal is to get more involved in church. We have a wonderful church and I would love to be more involved. I need to stop making the excuse that it's just too far away and just jump right in. And I want to be better about inviting people over for dinner and making new friends. I want to be a part of the community, not just attend the church.
Upon reflection of 2012 I have to say that I learned two major lessons. They may sound old and trite but they are profoundly, amazingly and miraculously true. 1) When you give yourself fully over to God, he can and WILL give you the strength to overcome ANY obstacle, no matter how impossible it may seem. 2) Prayer changes things. Sometimes I hear people say "well I've been praying and praying" and I'm tempted to say "Just stop praying so much and DO something." But I am SO wrong in that advice. I look at my life a year ago and look at it now, and it seems that every day I find out how someone else felt led to pray for me this year - whether they knew what was happening in my life or not. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my life would not be what it is today if my faithful friends, and their faithful friends, had not been praying. I am awed, and moved and blessed.
Bring on 2013!!
Let me explain. Charles and I have been married for 7 years now. We like to stay up late, sleep in, go out to dinner on a whim, go on vacations, etc. With that kind of lifestyle it's hard to have any kind of responsibility at home. When we first got married we talked about the possibility of kids someday and decided we needed a 4 step plan. Step 1) plant. If we could keep a plant alive for at least 6 months (a challenge for us both, to be sure), then we could graduate to step 2) fish. We made it that far and took care of a beta fish named Simeon for nearly three years. Since their average lifespan is 1 year, we decided we nailed step 2. So when Simeon died we decided to move onto step 3) animal. I was hoping for a dog, since I love dogs but that's just not feasible right now with where we live and such. So we went with a cat. (I've never been a big fan, but Charles loves them.) That being said, we are in a trial run of adopting my parents cat. To be honest, this cat is a little more like a dog. He loves to be pet, loves to snuggle, comes when you call him, etc. But he doesn't have to go outside to be walked, can use a litter box, and generally is a little less maintenance than a dog. So pending how this experiment goes, at some point in the future we may graduate to step 4) children.
The thought of having kid is exciting (a miracle in itself) and scary as hell. I went to my first baby shower in AGES last weekend for my college roommate and learned very quickly that I know NOTHING about babies. I am 29 and I have never even changed a diaper. I don't hold babies very often and I thought the baby bath was for soaking swollen preggo feet. I will have a lot to learn, that is for sure. But 30 is looming and I have decided that it's time to grow up and settle down! :)
As for the new year, I am not a huge fan of New Years resolutions but I do have a few goals.
Being that I have been blessed with a fast metabolism, I have been able to eat whatever I want for my whole life up until this point. My dad always warned me it wouldn't last forever. As 30 approaches (this is a big deal for me, as you can see), I want to start the year in the best shape possible. So after a holiday of crazy binge eating, it's back to healthy choices and portion control for me. And most importantly, exercise. I'm skinny enough, but I definitely need to tone a few areas. I hate to run and I live in a blasted cold state and I hate the cold, and I hate spending money on gym memberships, so exercise has always been a challenge for me. But challenge or not, by my 30th bday, I am going to be in excellent shape.
Another goal is to read more. I love to read. But with long hours at work, school work, a leadership class this fall, and responsibilities at home, it's harder to do. And I just need to set aside a reasonable amount of time to do it. Usually when I read a book, that's all I do for the 2 days it takes me to finish it. I need to learn to balance.
My third goal is to get more involved in church. We have a wonderful church and I would love to be more involved. I need to stop making the excuse that it's just too far away and just jump right in. And I want to be better about inviting people over for dinner and making new friends. I want to be a part of the community, not just attend the church.
Upon reflection of 2012 I have to say that I learned two major lessons. They may sound old and trite but they are profoundly, amazingly and miraculously true. 1) When you give yourself fully over to God, he can and WILL give you the strength to overcome ANY obstacle, no matter how impossible it may seem. 2) Prayer changes things. Sometimes I hear people say "well I've been praying and praying" and I'm tempted to say "Just stop praying so much and DO something." But I am SO wrong in that advice. I look at my life a year ago and look at it now, and it seems that every day I find out how someone else felt led to pray for me this year - whether they knew what was happening in my life or not. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my life would not be what it is today if my faithful friends, and their faithful friends, had not been praying. I am awed, and moved and blessed.
Bring on 2013!!
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
December
What an insane month. Work craziness, anniversary party craziness, Christmas craziness, eating way too much food and exercising way too little craziness, having to leave NC a day early due to this crazy snow storm...
I think you get the picture. This month has been crazy. And lovely. And full of laughter and love and warmth (both in the coziness of our home and the 62 degree weather in NC - gosh it was hard to come back north).
We started one week by renewing our vows (in a beautiful service - and yes, i did cry through the whole thing) and ended it by witnessing two dear friends get married. Excellent bookends to a crazy week! Work was full of food and parties and bonding and not as many meetings as usual.
Our trip to NC was fun although it didnt go quite as expected. Chick-fil-a was not to be had since we forgot they aren't opened on Sunday (thus ruining our dinner plans on the way down), or on Christmas (thwarting our chance to eat on the way home). We loved having time with the Meeks family and had a blast sharing a hotel room with Rob and Kate, where the brothers bonded over Halo and Minecraft and Kate and I over wine and cheese! Our Christmas Day plans, however, went to the dogs because of the storm. We all ended up leaving a day early. So instead of room service and Les Miserables, we spent 7 hours in the car, realizing that NOTHING is open on Christmas. We tried to do dinner and a movie but it was sold out. So we ate in our car at a Sheetz. Not the fancy meal I was hoping for but still delicious. On the bright side, there was no traffic and we had great weather. We did end up getting to see the movie, just a day late, and it was worth the wait. And Charles and I had a fun time traveling together: talking and flirting and laughing and listening to Bossy Pants and Life of Pi audiobooks.
Christmas this year was so meaningful. Our church really helped get me be in the spirit of Advent. Our time with family was thoughtful and full of joy and love. My husband is definitely the gift whisperer and gave me a gift I will cherish always.
My family has always done Christmas well. My parents always got my brother and I great gifts but we learned early on that the joy of Christmas isn't about how much stuff you get. It's about the thought behind the gift, but more importantly, it's about being with the people you love and celebrating Jesus. I hope that we can instill those lessons in our children someday.
So here's to being snowed in, to a wonderful end to the Christmas season (although Charles will yell at me for that and say that Christmas lasts until Epiphany) and the last month of 2012!
I think you get the picture. This month has been crazy. And lovely. And full of laughter and love and warmth (both in the coziness of our home and the 62 degree weather in NC - gosh it was hard to come back north).
We started one week by renewing our vows (in a beautiful service - and yes, i did cry through the whole thing) and ended it by witnessing two dear friends get married. Excellent bookends to a crazy week! Work was full of food and parties and bonding and not as many meetings as usual.
Our trip to NC was fun although it didnt go quite as expected. Chick-fil-a was not to be had since we forgot they aren't opened on Sunday (thus ruining our dinner plans on the way down), or on Christmas (thwarting our chance to eat on the way home). We loved having time with the Meeks family and had a blast sharing a hotel room with Rob and Kate, where the brothers bonded over Halo and Minecraft and Kate and I over wine and cheese! Our Christmas Day plans, however, went to the dogs because of the storm. We all ended up leaving a day early. So instead of room service and Les Miserables, we spent 7 hours in the car, realizing that NOTHING is open on Christmas. We tried to do dinner and a movie but it was sold out. So we ate in our car at a Sheetz. Not the fancy meal I was hoping for but still delicious. On the bright side, there was no traffic and we had great weather. We did end up getting to see the movie, just a day late, and it was worth the wait. And Charles and I had a fun time traveling together: talking and flirting and laughing and listening to Bossy Pants and Life of Pi audiobooks.
Christmas this year was so meaningful. Our church really helped get me be in the spirit of Advent. Our time with family was thoughtful and full of joy and love. My husband is definitely the gift whisperer and gave me a gift I will cherish always.
My family has always done Christmas well. My parents always got my brother and I great gifts but we learned early on that the joy of Christmas isn't about how much stuff you get. It's about the thought behind the gift, but more importantly, it's about being with the people you love and celebrating Jesus. I hope that we can instill those lessons in our children someday.
So here's to being snowed in, to a wonderful end to the Christmas season (although Charles will yell at me for that and say that Christmas lasts until Epiphany) and the last month of 2012!
Monday, December 10, 2012
Tis the Season
December is quite the month. There is the Christmas craziness (which I try to avoid as much as possible) and holiday parties and then throw our wedding anniversary on top of that and you get a really hectic month. In the past, I have tended to be a little bit of a Grinch at Christmas. If you know me, you know that I really don't like spending money. And the Christmas season usually costs quite a bit of money. You have presents, and travel, and anniversary dinners and/or getaways, and work parties and gift exchanges and by the time Christmas rolls around I'm usually just grumpy and stressed. On top of that, I'm not really a gift person. I'm pretty content with the amount of stuff that I have (although I always would like more shoes), and I hate clutter and I'm not one to keep things around for sentimental value. Because I don't care too much about getting gifts, I'm also not very good at buying gifts. I'm usually looking for the cheap, easy thing that's on someone's list that doesn't take a lot of thought and that I don't have to face the masses in order to get. This sounds really awful, I know. But it's the truth.
Please understand that I LOVE Christmas. I love getting a tree and decorating it, and hanging up lights around the house. I love listening to Christmas music from Dec 1 through Dec 25th (but not a moment before). I love that Charles and I get each other ornaments each year. I love spending Christmas Eve with my family and the big Christmas brunch that we have. I love going around and opening our presents one at a time. I love the food and the family and the love. I couldn't care less about the "stuff."
This year, however, things are different. I have caught the Christmas bug. Maybe it's because I spend more time at the mall now that Charles works there. Maybe it's because this is the happiest I've ever been at Christmastime in the last 7 years. Maybe it's because I've discovered the joy of being thoughtful in my gift buying and that it's FUN to think of things people would like without just buying off a list. Maybe it's because, with Charles working, money isn't so tight. Maybe it's because we aren't in boxes this year (last year we moved the week before Christmas, on our anniversary, and that totally killed the spirit). Maybe it's because we got our tree December 1 so it felt like Christmas earlier and we weren't as rushed. It's hard to really know. But I do know that I am just loving this season!!
Another reason I'm loving this month is because Charles and I are renewing our vows this year on our anniversary. Without going into any detail, I'm just going to say that the last 7 years have been HARD. Marriage was not what I was expecting, nor was I prepared for the number of challenges we have faced. There have been a lot of mistakes and hurts on both of our parts. But in the last six months or so we have renewed our commitment to each other, for better or worse, and we have never been happier. Marriage is finally starting to be what I hoped and dreamed it would be. In Charles I have a companion, a friend, a lover, and someone that I LOVE to go home to every night. So when Charles told me that he invited some of our friends over to our beautifully decorated house and that we were going to renew our vows, I was overwhelmed and overjoyed. There will never be a better time to take this step than now. I didn't cry the first time we got married, but I know that I'm most likely going to be a blubbery mess this time around because I KNOW what those words mean. I KNOW what the "worse" part of "for better or worse" looks like. I KNOW the work that is involved, and the sacrifices and the compromises that need to be made, and the unconditional love, grace and forgiveness that needs to be constant in order for our marriage to be what it was intended to be.
And because I now know this, it means so much more. And it means more to hear those promises from Charles (again) when he has loved me even when I was completely unloveable. And I'm so excited to share this with a small group of our dearest friends - some of whom are aware of all of our gory details, some who know bits and pieces, and some who are just faithful friends who constantly encouraged us, prayed for us and loved us. We would not be where we are today without these people in our lives.
So yeah... I am completely overflowing with love and joy this season. No more Grinch for me. :)
Please understand that I LOVE Christmas. I love getting a tree and decorating it, and hanging up lights around the house. I love listening to Christmas music from Dec 1 through Dec 25th (but not a moment before). I love that Charles and I get each other ornaments each year. I love spending Christmas Eve with my family and the big Christmas brunch that we have. I love going around and opening our presents one at a time. I love the food and the family and the love. I couldn't care less about the "stuff."
This year, however, things are different. I have caught the Christmas bug. Maybe it's because I spend more time at the mall now that Charles works there. Maybe it's because this is the happiest I've ever been at Christmastime in the last 7 years. Maybe it's because I've discovered the joy of being thoughtful in my gift buying and that it's FUN to think of things people would like without just buying off a list. Maybe it's because, with Charles working, money isn't so tight. Maybe it's because we aren't in boxes this year (last year we moved the week before Christmas, on our anniversary, and that totally killed the spirit). Maybe it's because we got our tree December 1 so it felt like Christmas earlier and we weren't as rushed. It's hard to really know. But I do know that I am just loving this season!!
Another reason I'm loving this month is because Charles and I are renewing our vows this year on our anniversary. Without going into any detail, I'm just going to say that the last 7 years have been HARD. Marriage was not what I was expecting, nor was I prepared for the number of challenges we have faced. There have been a lot of mistakes and hurts on both of our parts. But in the last six months or so we have renewed our commitment to each other, for better or worse, and we have never been happier. Marriage is finally starting to be what I hoped and dreamed it would be. In Charles I have a companion, a friend, a lover, and someone that I LOVE to go home to every night. So when Charles told me that he invited some of our friends over to our beautifully decorated house and that we were going to renew our vows, I was overwhelmed and overjoyed. There will never be a better time to take this step than now. I didn't cry the first time we got married, but I know that I'm most likely going to be a blubbery mess this time around because I KNOW what those words mean. I KNOW what the "worse" part of "for better or worse" looks like. I KNOW the work that is involved, and the sacrifices and the compromises that need to be made, and the unconditional love, grace and forgiveness that needs to be constant in order for our marriage to be what it was intended to be.
And because I now know this, it means so much more. And it means more to hear those promises from Charles (again) when he has loved me even when I was completely unloveable. And I'm so excited to share this with a small group of our dearest friends - some of whom are aware of all of our gory details, some who know bits and pieces, and some who are just faithful friends who constantly encouraged us, prayed for us and loved us. We would not be where we are today without these people in our lives.
So yeah... I am completely overflowing with love and joy this season. No more Grinch for me. :)
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Thankful November
I thought about doing a Facebook post every day about what I'm thankful for, but then I decided that, since it takes me a month to actually post my blogs anyway, I am better off keeping track on here. Rather than big swooping lists like I have done in the past, I will do daily things that I am thanking for. So here is my list of things I'm thankful for - one (or two or three) for each day leading up to Thanksgiving!
I'm Thankful...
November
1- for my smart and kind husband who is dedicated to me and to his studies. I'm thankful that I had the chance to see him in "action" at the Presidents Dinner in Toronto and that he wanted me by his side for the evening!
2- for glimpses of sunshine amidst days and days of rain and brainstorms that end up saving me hours of work!
3- for long car trips with my dad, time spent with family I don't get to see often, and plays that portray profound truths (and have amazing sets).
4- for an extra hour of sleep, and for my husband who did almost all of my weekend cleaning while I was away and finally finished reading my favorite book with me (A Tale of Two Cities).
5- that I have the opportunity to get my Masters degree, and that I have a great job!
6- for surprise gifts of chocolate (even though I'm trying so hard to be healthy), for grace and continued reconciliation in some of my closest relationships, and Chinese fortune cookie reminders to be cautious because I am easily prone to temptation.
7- for a day in the office to wear jeans and clean/organize, eat good food and have some time to relax with my co-workers. And that the election is finally over.
8- for opportunities to share my music with people, and that I have a husband who always pumps my gas for me.
9- that my brother got a full time job WITH BENEFITS at the University of Rochester! (And hopefully this means I'll get to meet up with him for food/coffee sometimes!)
10- that I have a family that loves and supports each other through both trials and celebrations and that we actually enjoy spending time together!
11- that we found a solid church family that we love and that is focused on helping meet the needs of those in the community... and that still sings hymns.
12- for classes that make me think, for a couple warm days in late fall, and for the fact that I survived my first day without chocolate or cheese!
13- that even though it's super cold out, and it's dark so early, that I have a warm house to go home to, and a husband that I love to go home to. So unbelievably thankful for the changes in my life and marriage over the last few months.
14- that my heart is beginning to change and that I'm beginning to desire wholeness in all areas of my life - in my relationship with God, within myself (emotionally, mentally and physically), my relationships with others, etc. I have been learning some difficult lessons about self control this month and I'm thankful that I have met all the different challenges head on and (so far) come out on top!
15- for dinner with a great friend, who knows my greatest faults and thinks I'm great in spite of my silliness and stupidity!
16- that I live a 1/2 mile from a decent grocery store. It's no Wegmans but it's a huge improvement over the Houghton Jube.
17- for nice sunny days this late in autumn , for a delicious dinner out with my hubby (due to me messing up dinner and almost burning down the house), and apple pie a la mode. (Cheat day started early today. I've been more self-controlled this week than my whole life. I decided I earned it!)
18- that I figured out how to make charts in excel, that I have the ability to run (although not well) even though I hate it, and for cake pops.
19- for PTO and that even though its only Monday, I only have 1 workday left this week. Haven't taken a vacation day since June.
20- for the chance to have lunch with classmates we haven't seen since college, and that I got my official acceptance letter to my masters program today!!!!
21- I'm thankful for the major part that music plays in my life.
22- To be where I am in life. A year ago my life looked so different and I wouldn't trade my life now for anything in the world.
I'm Thankful...
November
1- for my smart and kind husband who is dedicated to me and to his studies. I'm thankful that I had the chance to see him in "action" at the Presidents Dinner in Toronto and that he wanted me by his side for the evening!
2- for glimpses of sunshine amidst days and days of rain and brainstorms that end up saving me hours of work!
3- for long car trips with my dad, time spent with family I don't get to see often, and plays that portray profound truths (and have amazing sets).
4- for an extra hour of sleep, and for my husband who did almost all of my weekend cleaning while I was away and finally finished reading my favorite book with me (A Tale of Two Cities).
5- that I have the opportunity to get my Masters degree, and that I have a great job!
6- for surprise gifts of chocolate (even though I'm trying so hard to be healthy), for grace and continued reconciliation in some of my closest relationships, and Chinese fortune cookie reminders to be cautious because I am easily prone to temptation.
7- for a day in the office to wear jeans and clean/organize, eat good food and have some time to relax with my co-workers. And that the election is finally over.
8- for opportunities to share my music with people, and that I have a husband who always pumps my gas for me.
9- that my brother got a full time job WITH BENEFITS at the University of Rochester! (And hopefully this means I'll get to meet up with him for food/coffee sometimes!)
10- that I have a family that loves and supports each other through both trials and celebrations and that we actually enjoy spending time together!
11- that we found a solid church family that we love and that is focused on helping meet the needs of those in the community... and that still sings hymns.
12- for classes that make me think, for a couple warm days in late fall, and for the fact that I survived my first day without chocolate or cheese!
13- that even though it's super cold out, and it's dark so early, that I have a warm house to go home to, and a husband that I love to go home to. So unbelievably thankful for the changes in my life and marriage over the last few months.
14- that my heart is beginning to change and that I'm beginning to desire wholeness in all areas of my life - in my relationship with God, within myself (emotionally, mentally and physically), my relationships with others, etc. I have been learning some difficult lessons about self control this month and I'm thankful that I have met all the different challenges head on and (so far) come out on top!
15- for dinner with a great friend, who knows my greatest faults and thinks I'm great in spite of my silliness and stupidity!
16- that I live a 1/2 mile from a decent grocery store. It's no Wegmans but it's a huge improvement over the Houghton Jube.
17- for nice sunny days this late in autumn , for a delicious dinner out with my hubby (due to me messing up dinner and almost burning down the house), and apple pie a la mode. (Cheat day started early today. I've been more self-controlled this week than my whole life. I decided I earned it!)
18- that I figured out how to make charts in excel, that I have the ability to run (although not well) even though I hate it, and for cake pops.
19- for PTO and that even though its only Monday, I only have 1 workday left this week. Haven't taken a vacation day since June.
20- for the chance to have lunch with classmates we haven't seen since college, and that I got my official acceptance letter to my masters program today!!!!
21- I'm thankful for the major part that music plays in my life.
22- To be where I am in life. A year ago my life looked so different and I wouldn't trade my life now for anything in the world.
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