Life is Like a Box of Chocolates

Forrest Gump once said: "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

As I reflect on the last few (or more) years of my life, I can say that that has never felt so true. At the same time, I'm also torn by this sentiment because I also feel that life is what you make it. Let me set up my current situation in life for you. It was not too long ago that I took one big long look at my life and thought to myself "Who am I?"

Rewind 28 (almost 29) years. I was born. I grew up in a really functional, healthy, loving family. I was a "good" kid overall. I graduated from high school. I went to college. I met a good man and fell in love. I got engaged. I graduated from college summa cum laude with a degree in Music Composition. I got a job. I got married. The first 22 years of my life went by very quickly (although sometimes not quickly enough for my taste) and fairly easily. The day I got married I felt like I knew who I was and what I wanted in life.

Fast forward 6 years to a couple weeks ago when my husband looked at me and said "I don't know who you are anymore." I really couldn't get angry because in that moment I realized that I didn't know who I was either. And I didn't know where I was going. I had a good job but other than that I had no real purpose.

So that's why I decided to start this blog. I've blogged in the past and it was really helpful for 1) my sanity and 2) processing. I like to look back and see where I've been. And at times when where I've been is not something i want to be reminded of, its incentive to move forward. So this is going to be a blog that I write whilst "rediscovering myself."

One thing that I DO know about me is this. I'm a planner. If I don't have a plan, nothing is going to change and I'm not going to go anywhere or do anything or become anything different from what I am now. And I want to be more than that... for my sake, for my husband's sake, for any future children that we may have someday's sake...So I've decided that there are some basic habits that I want/need to start practicing to kick off this time of self-discovery. It's going to be my 10-step plan to Rediscovering Me.

1) Honesty/Transparency. If I can't be honest about my past and present, to others or myself, then I don't have a basis or foundation for any kind of change. I've learned that one must get to the bottom of their rottenness and lostness or whatever you want to call it, in order to build a new foundation.

2) Continual Learning. My brain is never idle. Ever. And I've decided that one way to focus my life and move forward, not just sit complacently in the present, and to make myself ever-better (in the spirit of my employer's motto), is to continue my education. That being said, I'm going to enroll in a Masters Program in the fall. I'm going to pursue a Masters of Science in Higher Education Administration (and perhaps specializing in Student Affairs). And although I balk at giving up the free time I have to reading text books and paper writing for the next who-knows-how-many years, I'm excited for the things I'll learn, the way it will discipline me (because juggling full-time work at this job and school is going to take major discipline or I will fail miserably) and the potential is has to further my career, which I really enjoy.

3) Kindness. Don't get me wrong, I'm a nice enough person. I like most people and, as a whole, I think most people like me. I'm friendly, that's for sure. But there is more to kindness that friendliness. So I'm going to work on basic kindness, starting with those closest to me, and the ones that are often the hardest to be kind to.

4) Incorporate adventure into my life in healthy ways. I may be structured and not very spontaneous at all, but I am most definitely an adrenaline junky. And I find that when I get bored or my life has no element of adventure or risk, I get in to trouble. So, I would love some ideas from you, readers, on healthy ways to have adventure in your life.

5) Exercise. I find that I just feel better when I exercise. I feel better about me and therefore, feel better about those around me. Maybe it's just the endorphins, but I think I'm definitely more pleasant to be around when I'm feeling fit and healthy.

6) Laugh more. I used to laugh all the time. And I realized not too long ago that laughter hasn't been as prevalent in our house. And I want it to be something that I do with my husband, my family, my friends, my co-workers... Laughter truly is the best medicine.

7) Try new ways of doing old things. I am a very habitual person. I get ready the exact same way every morning. So, rather than get frustrated when my ways aren't working, I want to work on finding new ways to do things that may have a better result. Seems so "duh" but it's hard for me. I'm stubborn. I want MY way to work.

8) Positivity. I took the Strength Finders 2.0 test not too long ago and Positivity was in my top 5. And I think most people would see me that way. But the more I've looked deeper into myself, I realize that I have become pretty pessimistic and helpless about things that are closest to me. And I want that to change. I want to expect the best and strive for the best.

9) Invest in friendships. At this stage in my life I have a lot of acquaintances but very few close friends. And that has been the pattern for most of my life. But I really want to put forth more energy in investing in those friendships because, with the way my life has been in the past few years, those friends haven't known the real me.

10) Love. I love my husband and in the past little while my feelings of love for him have increased exponentially. But I have been really really crappy at showing him the last few years. And although a "start over" or "clean slate" is impossible, I want to start as new and fresh as we can. Because we are one, and the whole purpose of marriage (I'm learning) is not just sharing a house and finances and a bed, but sharing life - so rediscovering myself also means rediscovering (or maybe just truly discovering for the first time) him. And the man I'm married to now is vastly different from the man I married 6 years ago... just as I am a very different person. And in rediscovering myself, I have to open myself up so that HE can also rediscover me. Life is about learning and growing together and I feel that we have really failed in that area and it's something that I want to change more than anything else in the world.

So all that said, I am Cherith Ann and this is my new beginning.